I should probably have started with this post, but hey I mean no one will see this until January so what does it really matter. I am 23 years old or at least I will be by the time someone is reading this. I am going to school to be a high school business and technology teacher and eventually want to be an AD. I honestly don't know who will even read this but I just hope it actually helps me, I have to try something new.
Let's see I played basketball for about 8 years and played Varsity all 4 years of high school, therefore, I was fairly thin, I wasn't the skinniest girl in the world by any means but if I would have ate better I probably could have been. I mean I was eating like a hoss. I didn't care though because that night I would go bust my ass in basketball practice for three hours or at a game. Food didn't really seem to matter since I was working my ass off so much.
However, you know how they say "it'll catch up to you" well EVERYONE was right. I mean even only three months after I had finished basketball my prom dress barely zipped up. I didn't really think anything of it because well I wasn't having to suck it in all night, just to zip up the zipper, but still. I didn't notice when my favorite pair of jeans didn't fit anymore, I didn't notice when I was wearing running shorts all the time in the summer and no longer wearing jean shorts, I didn't notice when I wore sweatpants mostly through the winter. I did notice when I broke up with my boyfriend of six months and couldn't look cute to go out with my friends, but that didn't stop me from drinking and that didn't stop me from eating and refusing to work out. I didn't think I had a problem, when clearly I should have started then. I was so wrapped up in being single for the first time in a long time after bouncing from guy to guy it was finally just Shelby. I should have foreseen I would end up where I am now, but I didn't. I remember I was kind of a chubbier kid, like in middle school at least but evened out as I went into high school. It was crazy how much my face changed in that time and how it's also changed now; looking back I can't even really tell who the girl is I'm looking at because I know I've lost myself. Being 23 and not exactly being where I thought I was going to be at this point because I mean I'm still in school after changing my major, I'm not anywhere close to being married, nor do I really want to be like I thought I would.
I have found a lot of stuff changes as you get older some things you don't really think about as a teenager. I mean, you lose friends you thought would always be there, you gain new ones who you probably never thought you would even talk to and you lose loves you thought you were gonna spend your life. People change. I find myself changing everyday because I look back on half of the things I used to do and think, "Why the hell did I do that?" Now, don't get me wrong I don't regret anything I ever did because well even at 23 I have had one HELL of a life, some people might call it stupidity but I just think of them as lessons learned with some good ass memories. I wouldn't change a thing about my past but it's definitely helping me to shape my future and that's exactly what I plan to change, my future. I can't take back who I was nor would I ever want to.
I want to be the Shelby I was then mixed with a new spice of the Shelby I'm striving to be, if that makes since? :)
No comments:
Post a Comment